Ah, God love ya! I'm a painting contractor, so people like yourself that can't/don't want to paint are why I can sleep in a warm house and eat every day.

Seriously, if you don't want to, it may very well be worth your while to pay a pro to do it. 1 color on ceilings and walls after priming (tinted primer) can go pretty quickly, and you get that brand new house smell to boot. The trick is to actually get a painter who gives a sh** about your place and your budget. It can be done. Shop around, ask at the paint store for a recommendation. They won't dump a crappy painter on you knowingly because their name is attached to the recommendation, and potentially a paint sale.