Would you change the past??

Something I have been thinking about lately, having just experienced my first business failure:

If you could go back in time and change the past, or advise yourself not to make the mistakes you made, would you do it? Would you want to change things? Or would doing so mean that you don't learn important lessons that you need to learn?

I wouldn't change a thing - - - and the reason I wouldn't is that the lessons I have received from my life are lessons that one could never learn in a book. They are the lessons that help me make the next phase or the next deal more successful than it would have been otherwise.

Life immediately after a failure is tough. After a business failure, I had a big hole in the bank account (where they money used to be) and self-doubt in my head.

Instead of thinking in terms of what I did wrong, I was able to think in terms of what I will do better next time.

I actually started a new section in our family notebook - LESSONS LEARNED - and I did some journaling during that time. I spent a few weeks in reflection and recorded my lessons.

Then, I took another look at the big picture. The final desitnation hasn't changed. I still know the BIG GOAL. It was just that the vehicle was different now. So...

Where am I going. This is the big goal. The final desitnation.
Where am I now?
How do I get there? What vehicle will I use? How will I do it differently this time, in light of what I know?

The person I am today is a product of all the boo-boos I've made.

And I kinda like who I am.

So no, I wouldn't change a thing.

Failure sux when you're going through it. Depression, second guessing, lots of self loathing (at least for me), and if it's financial, it hamstrings you from doing other things right away (you have to go back and build up the cash reserves).

But as ATW says, this is a *great* opportunity to learn (the best, in fact!). Nowhere else will you get:

-Direct experience of dealing w/failure (instead of reading about it, or heeding others' warnings)
-Direct experience on what to do, financially, when it happens (you are sink or swim, baby)
-Direct experience at dealing w/your own demons, whatever they might be (anger, denial, feeling sorry for yourself, etc.)

ALL of these experiences are INVALUABLE-- because it's how you deal with these things after they happen that determines whether you will be a successful investor or not.

You can read about things for years.

But there is no substitute for the school of hard knocks.

It may not be fun, but know that someday, you will consider this one of the best things you've ever done.

IF you can learn from it. And prosper.

-Russ H.

A new quote I'm using all the time:

Success can be defined as going from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.

I have had those second thoughts many many times. If I had only done this or that. But then I start thinking about all the good things that came from my mistakes. Had I never quit my job in the springs, I would have never had a chance to go back to school. I would have never picked up that internship and would have never read rich dad poor dad in my spare time.
Had I never stopped school, I would have never gotten this job that I enjoy. I probably wouldn't be closing on my first house right now.

Life is a chain of events. Sometimes those detours actually lead us down better paths unknowingly. Sara, you may find that this speed bump will lead to an unknown success down the road that you would have never considered had this failure not happened.

Hmm reminds me of Garth Brooks song. "Unanswered Prayers"

Thanks for the feedback. I agree, I wouldn't undo my choice, I learned a lot and have made some great new connections with people that I wouldn't otherwise have met. I'm glad you guys understand. I know my husband would think I was crazy if I told him that. All he sees is my failure. But I know better

I am working on improving the words I use to refer to things (thanks Tony Robbins).
When I find myself using the word failure I try to identify if it is really a failure or it was just another lesson learned.

If things did not work out the way I expected AND I did not learn why or how to avoid the same mistake the next time I face a similar situation then, yes, it is failure.

If I learn a lesson and identify what were the signs and symptoms I missed and start paying attention to those in my life then I consider it a learning experience.

Sorry for not answering the original question.

SaraK, andviv makes an excellent point.

As someone who worked for centamillionaires and billionaires for over 20 years (and went to some of their parties), I can tell you that no one in this crowd uses the word "failure".

A few examples of the things I heard them talk about. In paren ( ) is what you'd read about in the papers:

- re-orgs (takeovers and buyouts)
-losing key people (layoffs and losing great staff to competitors who paid more)
-having to sell off (losing chunks of the company, or stock, to pay bills)
-not making numbers (business declining)
-Making moves in a changing market (getting out of businesses that were losing money)
-Keeping their attorneys busy (lawsuits)
-Moving some things around (closing factories, selling off subsidiaries, taking business offshore or to different states)

. . . and LOTS- LOTS of talk about taxes, and the latest things they were doing.

Some of them had lost more in a day (or week) than you or I will realistically see in our lifetimes.

The other uniform quality held by all of these movers and shakers was even when they were talking about these losses- sometimes hundreds of millions of dollars-- NEVER--NEVER did they sound depressed.

It was all part of the game for them.

They loved it.

Great lessons about attitude and perspective.

-Russ H.

Thanks for the perspective and change in terms Russ.

I'm about to start using some of them!

The other thing to remember - KMart filed bankruptcy. Donald Trump filed bankruptcy (through one of his companies). This stuff just happens.

If you're moving fast enough, it's just a speed bump.

Exactly!

I read about a scientific study about regrets a while ago. It stated that even though things people experienced were bad, very few people had regrets or wanted to change what they did. People are more likely to regret what they didnt do, insted of what they did (even if it didnt turn out they way they thought).

Adviv and Russ, thanks for making that point. I'm glad you brought it up, because as I was composing that post I hesitated for a moment over calling it a "failure" but didn't know what other word to use. So I developed in my mind multiple meanings for the word "failure" - "good failure" where you learn something and "bad failure" where you don't learn anything (kind of like good debt and bad debt )

But I'm glad you've given me some other words to use. I guess my situation would be better referred to as "I'm moving in a new direction as my current business is not making its numbers."

Hmmm, I guess this is further evidence that I need to spend more time around millionaires

I would say sticking to what I was doing longer then I felt like quitting. Your closer then you think to your goals.

There are so many things about my past I'd change that I wouldn't know where to begin. But all the changes I'd make pretty much amount to one thing: living up to my potential. When I was a kid I screwed around a lot because I thought I had all the time in the world, and now I'm spending my adulthood trying to catch up with my peers. But dwelling on past mistakes only keeps you from moving forward in life. At some point you have to forgive yourself or you'll never learn. And if you don't learn from your mistakes then they happened for nothing.

Hi SaraK!

I've learned to welcome "failure"...but I've never called it that...I believe it was one step closer to me getting my million's!

Besides, who want's to worry about trivial stuff...that only creates wrinkles!

Here's to your success!!

Kneejerk answer is yes. However, I have no idea what lessons I would NOT have learned if I had not taken it for the team early on. The experience, truly, has been priceless.

I wish I could change some of the dumb things I did when I was younger ... those things that we do when we are young-and-dumb and think our body's are indestructible. I'm paying the price for things I did 20 years ago. Back then, it seemed fun. I wish I knew what I know now.

Funny but the first thing I thought about after reading the inital post was a quote from Star Trek V.

Kirk: "Damn it, Bones, you're a doctor. You know that pain and guilt can't be taken away with a wave of a magic wand. They're the things we carry with us, the things that make us who we are. If we lose them, we lose ourselves. I don't want my pain taken away! I need my pain!"

Now this movie came out a while ago, but I can still remember thinking two thoughts while walking to the car after the movie: 1. how you need to learn from your experiences, both good and bad, and use these lessons to your advantage going forward. As previous posters have said, to not do this is to truly experience failure.

Oh, #2? I could not figure out how they made such a bad movie after ST IV, which I thought was pretty good.

No.

Losing a business happens, lots of people go bankrupt at least once. You know what they say, best to do it before 35 so you have time to make it back.