Fear of Success

Have you ever found yourself procrastinating? or finding other things to do before you set out to achieve one or more of your goals? or maybe your not even setting goals for yourself even though you know that it is one of the best things for you?

I have.

I realized that I have a fear of success. I noticed it when I was reviewing the past couple of years. I realized that every time things start going really well for me, and I start building a great momentum up, that I end up slacking off on my work. I stop setting goals for myself, finding other things to do rather than doing what I know I need to do, and not making phone calls or setting up meetings that I should be doing.

I started analyzing this.

A few things that I'm afraid of are,
Some of my friends will be jealous and will not treat me the same.
Losing myself, getting so involved in my business that I won't be the same person anymore.
I don't deserve it.

Now that I have noticed this and broke it down, I can now dig deeper into these issues and come to understand why and where they come from, and work on changing my mindset on these things.

This has really been the only thing holding me back.

Can anyone else relate?

ARE YOU AFRAID OF SUCCESS? A SURPRISING NUMBER OF TALENTED PEOPLE ARE. TO FIND OUT IF YOU'RE ONE OF THEM, TAKE OUR QUIZ ON PAGE 110. THEN TAKE HEART. THE DREAD OF DOING WELL IS ROOTED DEEP IN THE UNCONSCIOUS, BUT YOU CAN OVERCOME FEAR OF SUCCESS. - J

How Fear of Success Works: Signs of Self-Sabotaging Your Relationships & Goals, & Why You Do It

I can definitely relate to you 100 percent.

Earlier this year I received a large sum of money from a life settlement. But my own fears of success (from having the ability to now invest capital) caused me to make many, many mistakes.

And now I am back at square one. I've thought about making a detailed post on the mistakes and failures forum, but I haven't gotten around to finding the right words to explain it.

In short, yes, I think this is one of my biggest problems. Maybe there is a part of me that thinks that I don't deserve to succeed......

Here's my .02. I used to work with teens in various group home settings. Everything they did was given a label. Seemed as though everyone wanted to label behavior and no one wanted to look at that behavior for what it was.

Again, all this is said out of concern, as I've seen people piss years (decades) of their life away swinging at ghosts and trying to overcome labels that they or their therapist has put on them. For example, I had a roommate in college who had a "fear of public speaking" and took medication to get thru a speech class. One night right before the last speech she had to give she was in tears, anxious to the point where she was shaking and was starting to break out into hives. I told her I would help her practice because she was so upset. Turns out she hadn't practiced once! I asked if she never practed speeches, even at home. She said that she didn't. I commented that if I had a big speech to give and hadn't practiced it, that I would (and should) be nervous too. Long story short, I had her recite her speech out loud to me about 6 times that night. By the 6th time she had it down and was confident. She gave the speech the next day without medicine.

Point being is that I really, really want you to think about how you are labeling yourself and your actions, because once you label behavior you don't like you give that bad behavior power over you.

...Are you sure you have a fear of success? Couldn't it be that you threw your life into neutral once you got comfortable? Lots of people do. And win/win, couldn't it be that those mistakes were part of the learning curve or that maybe at that point in your life you just wanted to blow money and have a good time? I think most people tend to blow large sums of money when they've never had it before, especially if it's "free" money. Sure it isn't what you would do now with the money, but you are a different person today.

I'm just curious why and how the label of "fear of success" got slapped on here. ...Labeling behavior and judgment that you don't like as fear of success just seems like a great label to use to make yourself feel better, as it lets you shirk accountability and responsibility for mistakes and lets you focus on a much more acceptable label of "fear of success". Lord knows it's easier to say to ourselves and others that we have a fear of success instead of looking at our mistakes and learning from them.

...Plus, I think if you truly had a fear of success you wouldn't be here.

Big Rep++ to Yves (as if you need more speed rep).

Great comments. I like the way you think.

Great comments indeed!

Thank you for indicating that more exploration is needed to find the root cause of fears, instead of simply slapping a 'first reaction' label onto it and calling it a day. You are right, fear of success is way too general, as the term success truly means something different to everyone. In fact, many people could have multiple definitions of it.

Agreed. Big rep++

And no, I don't give you rep. because you need it or not... but because your post deserves it.

so, is it OK to label myself with positive labels?

For example, "I'm a winner" or "I'm successful" or "I'm a great public speaker"?

I believe yes, it is important.

hmm... this is a very interesting question.

I believe no.

Charmed (nice to have you back btw),

I think you've made an important realization. Great to see that you're examining your life in this way - to me this type of investigation is actually worth more than the success we are trying to achieve.

I have seen the same thing in my own business, and wrote a detailed blog post about it that you may like:

Fear of Success

No matter where we are, we are actively creating that reality, for a very good reason.

Success can come with a lot of pain. As soon as you stand out from the crowd, everyone's perceptions of you change; become more polarized. Meaning, yes, lots of people will admire and support you, but many will make you a target and try and tear you down.

I belive that a lot of Robert Kiyosaki's bitterness stems from not being able to come to peace with the nasty things people say about him online and behind his back.

I know that when I have tasted success, the "shots" people will take (I give some details in the story) have hurt a lot and make me aware of deeply painful experiences from childhood that I had burried.

For me, how I move through issues like this is to bring them to the light, as you are, and gentley examine them, and process the pain from the past to free up more energy to move forward.

I wrote that article over 2 years ago and don't feel at all that I was labelling myself as way to limit myself. I do see your point Yves about labelling, but it is only a matter of where your attention is.

If you keep you attention on the label, then yes, it will have power, but my attention is on the underlying issue, which is a real challenge in my life, which is not only neccessary to move through, but really what life is all about.

Meaning, it isn't really the success that matters, it is what we have moved through inside oneself that provides the success.

Friends are overrated. May sound cliche, but its true. Your real friends wont know the difference in you, but your phonies will be the first to make light of it.

Fuck'em... If you are limiting your growth by how your "friends" are going to change treating you, and you actually care, then throw your newfound glory in the trash and dance amongst your loser brethren.

A real businessman does not allow for BS nor does he keep around those haters that constantly bite at his suit sleeve. It doesnt matter how long you have known them Jon, the real person always shines true when the money matters.

My final point, and I will use a VERY GENERIC EXAMPLE, even, as the basis;
Do you think Donald Trump gives a damn about who likes him, much less who his "friends" are...

/thread

Thanks for posting this. I'm glad I read the article.

I think a lot about how I will feel after I have all the money and cars and other things I want. I say to myself I hope I will be and stay happy.
More and more I am realizing that all the nice things are no big deal because they are just things, you may get tired of them and they are replaceable. They give a thrill for a while but you can't depend on all that stuff to make everything good.

I like this part:
Shortly before his death, he said, "The degree to which you make enough money to then feel like you don't have to make any more money is the degree to which you have to deal with something pretty interesting. It's called You." He chose not to.

I hope I don't have a hard time dealing with the "You" after all.

Yves, Thank you for the concern and info. You have a great point here. However, my post about "Fear of Success" was to make others aware that this is something to look into. I think that a lot of people don't take action but yet they clearly want success. What is stopping them? Most people know what the common causes are, but this, I believe, is not so common, or talked about much. I think it is a very real issue.

I do believe that there are people that are just looking for an excuse for why they are not taking action, and as you stated, this is another "label" that someone like that can use. Thank you for making that point.

However, I hope that my post did not convey that I am just using this "label" as an excuse. I noticed that something was going wrong every time I took action and got so far. I looked into it, then when I realized what was going on, I dug deeper as to the causes of it. Knowing now what the real issues are, I can work on it and eliminate the fears that I have. I didn't say "I have THE Fear of Success" I simply said that "I have A Fear of Success"

Ok, so it's not that I'm afraid of success, really I'm afraid of those other things I mentioned (losing myself, friends being jealous) but these are real things that I fear will/ could happen when I am successful. This "fear of success" is not a label that I am placing on myself, it is something that has brought to my attention the road blocks that have prevented me to sustain success, things that I wasn't even aware of until I realized that I was feeling anxiety when I started to succeed.

I hope this clears it up for you.

Thank you Jon! It's about working through the things that can stop us.

Good post on your blog!

The problem with the "Fuck'em" approach is that at best you'll end up with a lot of money, and a cold heart.

For me this does not equal success at all. What I strive for is to be able to feel things that are painful, but not have them derail me on my way to my goals.

If I would have broken ties with everyone who made me feel pain in my life, I would have a very sad and empty life - like for example I would not have been very happily married for 10 years.

Remeber, that the pain we feel is ours, don't mistake the messanger from the root cause.

I think it's important to deal with "you" before you get where your going. Then you will get where you want to go instead of going where you think you "should" go.

Good point on the materialistic things. Ultimately they won't make you happy.

I remember reading the article this morning and think "Wow, this is spot on, what a great article" Then Dana posted her reply and I had the same exact thoughts on her take.

Truth is, I think both are right in their own forms. The label of fearing success can certainly be binding and restrictive. So can not have a clue why you get into a self destructive pattern.

The key is how we use either outlook to improve ourselves. In Dana's case, I believe (Please correct me if I am wrong) she chooses not to allow any branding stick to her and is able to push herself to succeed because there is nothing holding her back. I think that's excellent.

I also think other folks choose to use that label as a motivator. They know that fear of success could hold them down and they choose to willingly fight that fear. I think this is also correct.

Again its important to improve upon yourself no matter how you choose to look at this. There are plenty of folks that choose to allow fear of success hold them back. Likewise there are also plenty of people that shove off all labels so they don't have to prove anything and therefore don't have to improve themselves.

What a great article and discussion. I know it made me pause and think today. Do I choose to be bound by fear of success or do I choose to use that as a motivator?

I'm not sure I agree with this take. I am nowhere but a lonely man without my friends. My friends and family don't pull me down though. I choose not have friends like that.

I agree you shouldn't let haters tear you down, I simply don't associate with those types. I have very good friends that are positive motivated folks that are also fun to be around. I believe I can be successful and keep my friends. Their criticism is out of love and not spite.

I'm not here on this forum to have successful business, I'm here to have a successful life. That formula requires friends and business for me.

dealing with "you" is an ongoing process. It is never ending. When you get to where you are going, you realize that you are still going somewhere new and must deal with "you" all over again!

or - the shoving off of all labels is another form of improvement.

Exactly. It is all your perspective.

Yeah it should be dealt with all the time. what I do is think of life as if nobody had possesions and see where i'm at with myself