You and Your Opinions...

There is a very well known phenomenon in poker (and gambling in general)...players are conditioned by prior events, regardless of how statistically improbable. Of course, the degree to which each player is conditioned varies...

There are many very poor players who make most/all of their decisions based on prior experience. They get dealt a bad hand, but remember that time last year when that exact hand got lucky and won...so they play it.

But, it even happens to very good players. Doyle Brunson (one of the best players in history) has won two World Series of Poker tournaments with the starting hand of (10 2).

Not only is it a very, very bad hand, and not only did he get very lucky to win both tournaments with that hand, but being a great poker player, he is well aware that it's a bad hand and that he got very lucky. But, he has admitted that because he won two big championships with that hand -- and because the hand is named after him -- he will play that hand on many occassions when he shouldn't.

So, even the best player in the game is susceptible to this conditioning, and even when he rationally knows his actions to be sub-optimal.

As for how it affected me and my playing...

I started playing serious poker back in the early 90's, before the all the strategy books and the computer simulations. For some simple situations, I would sit at home and calculate the odds so I knew what the right decision was when the situation came up. But, there were many situations where calculating the odds was very complex, so I would use my previous results (real or perceived) to try to determine my odds. And because there were many situations that I didn't see very often, I "guessed" at what the right mathematical decision was.

In the mid-90's, when I started doing a lot of simulation of poker hands, I realized that a lot of my "guesses" were very poor. I had formed a lot of bad habits because I didn't have enough information to form good habits. It took years for me to get rid of some of those habits. And just like most players, I have some "favorite hands" that are pretty bad, but because I've gotten lucky with them in the past, I treat them as better than they are.

Players starting out today have a tremendous advantage over older players. All the information about how to be a great player (including all the math) is well known. So, the players that take the game seriously from the start never fall into the trap of forming bad habits.

In my opinion, that's one of the reasons why younger players tend to be so good (that coupled with the fact that they can get so much practice playing online).

I'm not much different from most people. My opinions are worth 2 cents.

Opinions are like ***holes. Everybody has one and we all think that everyone else's stink.

Opinions, to a large degree, make you who you are.
Most people do not change opinions easily. I have noticed that those who are willing to change their opinions when presented with new information tend to be more intelligent and more educated than those who stubbornly hold on to positions against all logical arguments. As I get older, more and more things in life fall into the "gray area." Teenagers view the world as much more black and white. I think they have to in order to start making sense of the world for themselves. Hopefully, those B&W positions soften to shades of gray as they experience more of the world. Some people do, however, continue to think like teenagers all their lives.

I rarely get bothered if someone doesn't agree with my opinions. I am more than happy to agree to disagree - even with my wife.

I agree with JScott about the first part. I guess I have never really cared about the "issues". I'm not very political, I'm very anti anything, and I'm not really pro anything either. (Except basic stuff, anti-drug, etc.)

The problem is that as a society we view change as bad. People who change their minds, or people that change their plans, or people that change in general, whether making more money, losing weight, meeting new friends, or other. We view these people as inconsistent, "wishy-washy", flakey, or worst case dishonest or not trustworthy. Even people that change for the better are looked down upon by their peers. When you come from a poor background and start making money, people look at you waaaay different (trust me on that one). When you lose 100 pounds and start exercising and eating right, your overweight friends will want to stop being around you. I used to be the same way, people are stupid! They will never change, they act the same. But the fact is we encourage that behavior, consistently. And that which gets rewarded gets done. If we reward people for being "consistent", "trustworthy", "honest", "a straight arrow", than they will never change.

I have a new "rule" if I can call it that. More of just a process I have developed over the years. The first time I meet someone I pick out all the bad in them. I say something along the lines of "is this guy serious??" Granted I have parents coming to me every single day that say "my child is a moron, he/she has ADD, ADHD, ABCDEFG, and he/she will never be able to learn discipline or respect, or get good grades in school...." While not as forward as that, it's the same message every single time. I guess what I'm trying to say is that second impressions mean everything to me. Out of habit I pick out the worst in people the first time I meet them, I set that aside and pick out every thing that is good about them the second time. Not that I am anyone to judge people but it certainly gives me an opportunity to see things from their shoes if that makes any sense.

Wow.

There is so much great food for thought here that I don't even know where to begin.

As I mentioned before, I used to be very emotionally attached to my opinions. I also used to take it personally if someone did not agree with my opinions.

Fast forward a few years, I've done some "spiritual" (for lack of a better word) work on myself and one of the results a paradigm shift in how I view the statement:

I think therefore I am

This statement is not true for me anymore. I've learned that I exist despite the fact that I think. I've learned that I exist even if I am not attached to my opinions.

Though it was not my intention, one result of this paradigm shift is that I've learned not only to let go of my opinions (allow them to change) but I've also learned to appreciate the opinions of others.

I wondered if this is how it works for others... I know of people (mostly men?) that don't take a difference in opinion personally. I wondered - is this how they do it?

Turns out the answer is no! Many of the people that responded here stated that they believe that their opinions are extensions of themselves. And, at the same time, they do not take it personally if someone disagrees.

So, I'm still left scratching my head. For those of you that responded in that way.... how do you do it? How do you view your opinions as who you are but at the same time understand that a rejection of your opinion is not a rejection of who you are?

Taking a step back, I think understanding this topic is really important to improve communication and business skills. Lately, I've seen all kinds of relationships and exchanges between people deteriorate because one person became resolutely attached to an opinion and soon thereafter, became emotional and even somewhat abusive.

I hope this is coherent... I may need someone to proofread this one

I will often reflexively take criticism to my opinions personally.

But, then I consider the fact that regardless of how much I might dislike or disagree with someone, in 50-100 years we'll both most certainly be dead.

That adds some important perspective, and makes me realize that in the end, nobody "wins" and nobody "loses" (or maybe we both lose ).

So, why bother getting hung up on disagreements...just move on and try to make the next 50-100 years a bit more worthwhile than fighting and holding grudges.

That's how I try do it...my goal now is to reduce the time it takes to get to the "perspective" part from the "taking it personally" part...

I can accept others' opinions because I recognize that my view of the world is unique.

What I hold as an absolute truth for me may not be truth at all for someone else. Our perspectives are different. We come from different places and have had different experiences. No two people can view the world from exactly the same spot. As long as I keep this in mind, I can easily accept someone else's point of view as their truth without feeling the need to convince them that it's wrong and mine is correct.